Relay for Life

We had been back in the hospital for a few days. Mom was there but not very responsive. However the day of Relay for Life she woke up and said, “Relay for Life, Relay for Life.” That whole day she would talk about her team “Breast Friends” and of course felt bad that she was missing out. She had hoped people would understand why she was not there. Which of course they did.

This year I joined the team to walk in memory of my Mom. I am mad at myself that I hadn’t been part of the team sooner. However I have had to remind myself many times this year that I can’t live in regret but continue to find ways to bring honor to my Mom and live out her legacy.

Not only was I able to be a part of the team, but I was asked to speak on behalf as a caregiver. Fortunately I had a four hour drive to think of what I would say, and also to process the reality of that time. Writing this blog has been healing, but speaking it added a new dimension. During my talk I shared how I had to help Mom with the little things like remembering her birth year. Then I had to assist with more skilled pieces such as remembering how to read and write. Yet the hardest thing to help with is when I realized I was helpless because there were no more medication or treatment options. I did make it through giving the presentation without a bunch of tears. All my family was there to support me. I also know my mom was there. The weather outside was bad so the event was moved to the high school. Mom had worked for the high school for over 20 years. The place where I presented was in the cafeteria. In this very room is where my Mom spent most of her time and where the plaque honoring her hangs. So although we were inside Mom’s spirit was all over the event.

I made it through the speech, but that first caregiver lap was very difficult. I saw the rest of my family walking with those who had survived and half of the lap I walked alone. A reminder that Mom was truly gone. The reminder of how I should have been there all the years in the past to spend time celebrating her survival. Now I can only celebrate her memory. My family recognized I was struggling and came to walk by my side. A great imagery of this whole journey. From the moment Mom was in the hospital, my family was there to help. Grandma was wonderful in helping me understand some of the billing and provided that hug I always needed. My Aunt Billie and Uncle Mike helped me but was the extra support my Dad needed. My Aunt Jeri and Wanda and Uncle Leon, Garry and Ron came many times to entertain my mom and provide words of comfort. My cousins just loved and comforted me. My Aunt Darla took care of Mom one night when Dad and I really needed a break. Although I am so blessed by all my family, my Aunt Rita was my angel. She was there every step of the way. She was my safe person for me to talk to about logistics and even me true emotions. She helped manage the bills, some of the paperwork and communication with Mom’s work. Rita is also the person I still call when I just need to vent or cry or really need a friend. I do also talk to Grandma sometimes about the things I am not sure what to do or how to help my Dad. Everyone in my family played a role then and continues to provide great love and support. I am grateful for each of them as they all are valuable to me.

After that first lap, the walk got easier. I would see the bags in memory of my Mom. People would come up and thank me for speaking and then share memories about Mom. Her spirit continued to shine throughout the evening. Aunt Wanda had made a beautiful quilt to raffle. On the quilt was a label sharing that she made the quilt and was in loving memory of Carolyn Pollard. Supposedly Aunt Jeri told cousin Janell that if she won the quilt she would donate it to me, but never expected to win since she never wins. However Aunt Jeri’s name was drawn and I was rewarded this beautiful quilt. How wonderful that this beautiful quilt will stay in the family and be a reminder of the love of my two aunts and in memory of my Mom.

After 12 hours the night was over. Our team advanced to the Gold level raising almost $6000.00. It was a difficult, fun, and healing evening. I was able to spend time with my family, honor my Mom and raise funds to help other families celebrate another birthday with their loved ones.   Relay for Life is a great event and I am glad I was a part of it.