The day after

The day after Mom’s passing was filled with getting things checked off on the “to do list.” Rita was humored by my many to do lists. However those lists were critical to keep me on task and focused on the work and not my emotions.  Looking back on this time I realized I was very good and still am at filling my days with work to keep me from addressing my feelings. Knowing Dad was very emotional I sent him with Uncle Mike to go get a suit.

I along with Rita worked on submitting the obituary, finalizing funeral details, and picking out Mom’s outfit. We then met up with Grandma and Elissa to choose the flowers. With the help with the flower shop we decided to add some cooking utensils, like a rolling pin, whisk and a cookbook opened to one of Mom’s recipes.

After the work was done Rita, Elissa and I took a break and went to go get a pedicure. I felt bad for the gentleman who had me, because he kept asking me to lift my leg or put it in the water. My thoughts were everywhere but there and so he had to keep repeating everything. It was nice to get treated though. While getting my nails done I was reminded how Mom would say for as much as the hospital bills would be she should at least have received a pedicure. Mom did not get her pedicure while in the house, but Jeanne who did Mom’s makeover gave her a manicure. It was such a simple thing, but not necessary. It put a smile on my face and I am sure even on Mom’s.

I am sure what else put a smile on Mom’s face is what I came home to. I had asked Dad how his shopping went. He began to laugh and I could only imagine what that was about. Dad then explained that when he got home Mike and him realized that his jacket with blue and his pants were black. All I could do was laugh and knew Mom was laughing right along with me.

I then got a call from the funeral home needing a different shirt to hide the marks from all the tubes and possibly a hat or scarf to cover her head as she had lost too much hair. Rita again came to the rescue to help me pick out a different shirt. Going through Mom’s closet it was evident of her efforts as she had plenty of Mendota High School and Relay for Life t-shirts. The Mendota High School polo won out.

As the evening came I realized that Dad had his outfit, but I had nothing. I did not pack anything for a funeral, that wasn’t even a thought when I was packing. So I decided to take some time for myself to go get an outfit. When I arrived in the store, the lady asked me if I needed help finding anything. I don’t normally ask for help, but at this moment I realized I just needed some support. I started to get teary eyed as I explained I needed help to pick out an outfit for my Mom’s funeral. The clerk was very compassionate and gladly helped me. I felt fat and ugly as I just sat in a hospital room for six weeks. So every outfit looked awful. As I stood in the dressing room I just started to cry. This is a moment Mom should be with me. She would encourage me that the outfits are ok and I am ok. She would have suggested outfits. Then when I would come out to show her she would have poked, pulled and shifted the clothes to tell me what she honestly thought. She was not there though and I simply had the sales clerk who although was nice, was not Mom. I finally found the outfits and headed home. As I drove, I was not ready to go home and sit in a quiet home with Dad.

I decided to call Jeanne who graciously allowed me to come out to her home. She comforted me and allowed me to share my heart. She recognized how well I held it together. I tried to do this the best I could so I could be the strength my Dad needed. It was nice to just share with Jeanne though. Renewed I headed home and enjoyed another night in a real bed.